Just to be clear, NO. I have not turned around to see what is patiently waiting for my attention in the stern of the boat. To be honest, I am just not ready to look. Although, let’s say that I have an inkling or two what is back there (which is why I don’t wanna turn around right now). I will do it…when I am ready.
A few days ago, as I was typing a post, I was conscious of asking myself why I have been capitalizing the word Love in my posts. I realized that I had no conscious idea as to any specific reason; it just felt right, so I did it. I decided to trust my Self, continue to capitalize “Love,” and let the reason come to me when it was ready.
The reason was, apparently, ready this morning.
This morning, as I was continuing my reading in A Course In Miracles about love (the non-capitalized kind), my eyes skipped ahead for a second…and I saw it, “Love”…capitalized and everything! I excitedly backed up a bit to see what preceded it. It was the word “God’s,”
“God’s Love.”
Uh-oh.
I had no idea that asking the universe questions about the capital L word would lead to the capital G conversation.
Yes, I recognize that I have mentioned the G word in a couple of my blogs on my previous blogsite. And I know that I have openly talked about my encounters with the Magician Himself, Mr. J.C. Furthermore, I guess I have to know that I deliberately used the word God in the title of this blog because I wrote it.
So, maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that in my reading I went to “the God conversation”. However, I, honest to the G word, never ever in a million years expected (or wanted) to go “there.”
It does make me wonder…is it possible that there is a difference between love (of the human variety) and Love (of the God kind)? And if there is…what is It? What does It look like? Feel like?? How do I know It when I see It? Feel It? Touch It?
WAIT A MINUTE, (I scream in fear) I am a former Catholic for God’s sake and an Irish one at that. According to the nuns in my 6th grade Catechism class, I will be crucified for even asking to be invited back into the company of the Big G after leaving of my own volition.
In all honesty, I am a bit afraid (okay terrified) of where this new development may lead me. All I know is the human kind of love. And while it (at least for me) hasn’t been all that it was cracked up to be, it kinda sorta works for me just like it kinda sorta works for most of my global peeps on the planet.
The capital L word has suddenly taken on a bigness, a hugeness, a magnitude that feels humanly impossible to contain…like trying to swallow the sun and let it shine through my feeble human container vessel.
And at the same time, I am, in this moment, completely in touch with the knowing that I long to do it, and I long to do it now.
And, more honestly, if I really let this idea that what I am moving towards (and frankly I am moving towards it or at least my boat is [with me in it]. I somatically felt the current shift and my focus was taken in a whole new direction this morning) so if I let it all sink (!) in, I have to admit that I am super-duper terrified to turn around and look in the stern.
At the same time, I am, in this moment, completely in touch with the knowing that I have to do it, and I have to do it now.
Ready or not here I come.
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