My personal vessel has been dead in the water of my internal ocean, and I have been wondering… “What’s up with that?“ I have honestly felt like my ship is weighted down, and I have been trying to figure out why.
I have done everything that I know to do.
I have set my intention, asked the question (I Wanna Know What Love Is), strapped myself to my Captain’s chair in anticipation of yet another Nor’easter ride through the turbulence of a perfect storm, fixed my sights dead ahead, and patiently waited for the universe to offer me conflict to navigate through so I can find the right course to steer me in the direction of my answer.
What I have gotten is nada, zip, bupkis: no opposing tradewinds steering me in irreconcilable directions, no other “traffic” on the seas to create territorial conflict over shipping lanes (even though I have the feeling this is a busy trade route), not even a storm to toss me about and get my juices going (but I am kinda happy about that one).
I will say that I have been reading A Course In Miracles daily and the universe has, of course, graced me with its miracles. Wouldn’t you know! All the reading I have been doing since I asked "the question" has been about Love, so I gotta give the universe that one. But I have not been able to really sink (no pun intended) into anything specific that I have read as a way to move me forward.
Until today.
This morning I read something that would have stopped me dead in the water if I weren’t dead in the water already. This is what I read:
Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It is not necessary to seek for what is true, but it is necessary to seek for what is false… If you seek love outside yourself you can be certain that you perceive hatred within, and are afraid of it. (Pg 338)
To add to the impact of this declaration, I have also recently finished reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel.
If you don’t know the book, Life of Pi is the story of Pi, a young adolescent from India, who, through tragic circumstances, finds himself in a lifeboat for 6 months, one of two survivors of a thwarted trans-Pacific crossing. The other survivor (whom Pi rescued), Richard Parker, and Pi share a 26 foot lifeboat built to accommodate and stocked with supplies for 32 people. It is the story of their struggle to survive. Oh, and one other important point...
Richard Parker is a three year old, 450-pound Bengal tiger.
So today, I started thinking….I bet the universe put that book in front of me so I could finish it before I read today’s passage. The universe is telling me that my ship is being weighted down by a “What” not a “Why.” The universe is asking me, “What form of my own personal 450-pound MEB tiger (or, God forbid, an assortment of lions, tigers, and bears) has been patiently waiting for me to notice it in the back of my boat?”
Crapsticks. If I want to get moving, I gotta turn around and deal with whatever is there.
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