Just to be clear, NO. I have not turned around to see what is patiently waiting for my attention in the stern of the boat. To be honest, I am just not ready to look. Although, let’s say that I have an inkling or two what is back there (which is why I don’t wanna turn around right now). I will do it…when I am ready.
A few days ago, as I was typing a post, I was conscious of asking myself why I have been capitalizing the word Love in my posts. I realized that I had no conscious idea as to any specific reason; it just felt right, so I did it. I decided to trust my Self, continue to capitalize “Love,” and let the reason come to me when it was ready.
The reason was, apparently, ready this morning.
This morning, as I was continuing my reading in A Course In Miracles about love (the non-capitalized kind), my eyes skipped ahead for a second…and I saw it, “Love”…capitalized and everything! I excitedly backed up a bit to see what preceded it. It was the word “God’s,”
“God’s Love.”
Uh-oh.
I had no idea that asking the universe questions about the capital L word would lead to the capital G conversation.
Yes, I recognize that I have mentioned the G word in a couple of my blogs on my previous blogsite. And I know that I have openly talked about my encounters with the Magician Himself, Mr. J.C. Furthermore, I guess I have to know that I deliberately used the word God in the title of this blog because I wrote it.
So, maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that in my reading I went to “the God conversation”. However, I, honest to the G word, never ever in a million years expected (or wanted) to go “there.”
It does make me wonder…is it possible that there is a difference between love (of the human variety) and Love (of the God kind)? And if there is…what is It? What does It look like? Feel like?? How do I know It when I see It? Feel It? Touch It?
WAIT A MINUTE, (I scream in fear) I am a former Catholic for God’s sake and an Irish one at that. According to the nuns in my 6th grade Catechism class, I will be crucified for even asking to be invited back into the company of the Big G after leaving of my own volition.
In all honesty, I am a bit afraid (okay terrified) of where this new development may lead me. All I know is the human kind of love. And while it (at least for me) hasn’t been all that it was cracked up to be, it kinda sorta works for me just like it kinda sorta works for most of my global peeps on the planet.
The capital L word has suddenly taken on a bigness, a hugeness, a magnitude that feels humanly impossible to contain…like trying to swallow the sun and let it shine through my feeble human container vessel.
And at the same time, I am, in this moment, completely in touch with the knowing that I long to do it, and I long to do it now.
And, more honestly, if I really let this idea that what I am moving towards (and frankly I am moving towards it or at least my boat is [with me in it]. I somatically felt the current shift and my focus was taken in a whole new direction this morning) so if I let it all sink (!) in, I have to admit that I am super-duper terrified to turn around and look in the stern.
At the same time, I am, in this moment, completely in touch with the knowing that I have to do it, and I have to do it now.
Ready or not here I come.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
I’ve Got A Tiger (Among Other Things I Think) In My Tank
My personal vessel has been dead in the water of my internal ocean, and I have been wondering… “What’s up with that?“ I have honestly felt like my ship is weighted down, and I have been trying to figure out why.
I have done everything that I know to do.
I have set my intention, asked the question (I Wanna Know What Love Is), strapped myself to my Captain’s chair in anticipation of yet another Nor’easter ride through the turbulence of a perfect storm, fixed my sights dead ahead, and patiently waited for the universe to offer me conflict to navigate through so I can find the right course to steer me in the direction of my answer.
What I have gotten is nada, zip, bupkis: no opposing tradewinds steering me in irreconcilable directions, no other “traffic” on the seas to create territorial conflict over shipping lanes (even though I have the feeling this is a busy trade route), not even a storm to toss me about and get my juices going (but I am kinda happy about that one).
I will say that I have been reading A Course In Miracles daily and the universe has, of course, graced me with its miracles. Wouldn’t you know! All the reading I have been doing since I asked "the question" has been about Love, so I gotta give the universe that one. But I have not been able to really sink (no pun intended) into anything specific that I have read as a way to move me forward.
Until today.
This morning I read something that would have stopped me dead in the water if I weren’t dead in the water already. This is what I read:
Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It is not necessary to seek for what is true, but it is necessary to seek for what is false… If you seek love outside yourself you can be certain that you perceive hatred within, and are afraid of it. (Pg 338)
To add to the impact of this declaration, I have also recently finished reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel.
If you don’t know the book, Life of Pi is the story of Pi, a young adolescent from India, who, through tragic circumstances, finds himself in a lifeboat for 6 months, one of two survivors of a thwarted trans-Pacific crossing. The other survivor (whom Pi rescued), Richard Parker, and Pi share a 26 foot lifeboat built to accommodate and stocked with supplies for 32 people. It is the story of their struggle to survive. Oh, and one other important point...
Richard Parker is a three year old, 450-pound Bengal tiger.
So today, I started thinking….I bet the universe put that book in front of me so I could finish it before I read today’s passage. The universe is telling me that my ship is being weighted down by a “What” not a “Why.” The universe is asking me, “What form of my own personal 450-pound MEB tiger (or, God forbid, an assortment of lions, tigers, and bears) has been patiently waiting for me to notice it in the back of my boat?”
Crapsticks. If I want to get moving, I gotta turn around and deal with whatever is there.
I have done everything that I know to do.
I have set my intention, asked the question (I Wanna Know What Love Is), strapped myself to my Captain’s chair in anticipation of yet another Nor’easter ride through the turbulence of a perfect storm, fixed my sights dead ahead, and patiently waited for the universe to offer me conflict to navigate through so I can find the right course to steer me in the direction of my answer.
What I have gotten is nada, zip, bupkis: no opposing tradewinds steering me in irreconcilable directions, no other “traffic” on the seas to create territorial conflict over shipping lanes (even though I have the feeling this is a busy trade route), not even a storm to toss me about and get my juices going (but I am kinda happy about that one).
I will say that I have been reading A Course In Miracles daily and the universe has, of course, graced me with its miracles. Wouldn’t you know! All the reading I have been doing since I asked "the question" has been about Love, so I gotta give the universe that one. But I have not been able to really sink (no pun intended) into anything specific that I have read as a way to move me forward.
Until today.
This morning I read something that would have stopped me dead in the water if I weren’t dead in the water already. This is what I read:
Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It is not necessary to seek for what is true, but it is necessary to seek for what is false… If you seek love outside yourself you can be certain that you perceive hatred within, and are afraid of it. (Pg 338)
To add to the impact of this declaration, I have also recently finished reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel.
If you don’t know the book, Life of Pi is the story of Pi, a young adolescent from India, who, through tragic circumstances, finds himself in a lifeboat for 6 months, one of two survivors of a thwarted trans-Pacific crossing. The other survivor (whom Pi rescued), Richard Parker, and Pi share a 26 foot lifeboat built to accommodate and stocked with supplies for 32 people. It is the story of their struggle to survive. Oh, and one other important point...
Richard Parker is a three year old, 450-pound Bengal tiger.
So today, I started thinking….I bet the universe put that book in front of me so I could finish it before I read today’s passage. The universe is telling me that my ship is being weighted down by a “What” not a “Why.” The universe is asking me, “What form of my own personal 450-pound MEB tiger (or, God forbid, an assortment of lions, tigers, and bears) has been patiently waiting for me to notice it in the back of my boat?”
Crapsticks. If I want to get moving, I gotta turn around and deal with whatever is there.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Crazy
All I can do is tell you the truth…and you and Patsy Cline will have to decide if I should take up space in the nearest psychiatric facility.
I had another one of those whack-a-doodle mornings.
This morning, while reading one of the sections in a chapter entitled “The Holy Instant” in A Course In Miracles, I came across the sentence, “You (meaning moi) don’t know what love is.”
Well, hello! No kidding! I wrote a whole friggin’ blog about it almost two weeks ago (www.theyearoftheboy.blogspot.com “I Wanna Know What Love Is”). Since then I have pretty much been patiently floating in the ocean of devotion to my new North Star intention waiting for the winds to gently propel me in the appropriate direction.
Seriously! It would really be helpful (and save me precious floating around waiting time) if the universe could keep better track of my blogs.
Anywhooo…the words literally leapt off the page. Aside from being just a tad bit annoying (why rub my face in it?), my non-egoic response was something along the lines of “ Since I have already asked the question, and I am getting confirmation that I have no idea what Love is, I guess I am on the right course.” I decided to meditate on it (for the billionth time in the past two weeks).
As I have mentioned before, I often meditate aloud. I talk to the universe, God, the Greater Field of Life. It’s just what I do. This morning, I let anyone who happened to be listening know that I am ready to shed what no longer serves me or others, I am ready to radiate out to others and look for the radiance in them, all of them in the Global Family (that would be you).
In other words, I announced, “I really, really wanna know what Love is.”
A soon as the words exited my mouth, I felt His presence at the foot of my chaise. Today, I didn’t open my eyes not because I was afraid of Him, but because I sensed that something miraculous was about to happen, and I wanted to take it in sans mes yeux.
As it happened when He made his debut in June, I first felt an intense light making its way through my eyelids followed by its anchoring in my body. His radiance penetrated my skin from the inside out, creating an all-encompassing swaddling of my body in light and warmth. He cleared away any darkness that I held within. My radiance responded and exited my epidermis from every pore. I was saturated in this co-created radiant space and energy that was so magnificent and simple and freeing that it immediately brought me to tears.
J.C. and I had a brief conversation in that cool kind of mind-meld Dr. Spock way that we had used before. His message was “Feel this. This is Love.”
Yes, at the same time all of this was happening, I did have the sense that I was perched (in the teeniest tiniest way) on the brink of “Do I need to be committed somewhere?” But I have to tell you, it felt so stinkin’ good that I didn’t really care.
If this is what crazy in universal Love feels like…bring it on.
I had another one of those whack-a-doodle mornings.
This morning, while reading one of the sections in a chapter entitled “The Holy Instant” in A Course In Miracles, I came across the sentence, “You (meaning moi) don’t know what love is.”
Well, hello! No kidding! I wrote a whole friggin’ blog about it almost two weeks ago (www.theyearoftheboy.blogspot.com “I Wanna Know What Love Is”). Since then I have pretty much been patiently floating in the ocean of devotion to my new North Star intention waiting for the winds to gently propel me in the appropriate direction.
Seriously! It would really be helpful (and save me precious floating around waiting time) if the universe could keep better track of my blogs.
Anywhooo…the words literally leapt off the page. Aside from being just a tad bit annoying (why rub my face in it?), my non-egoic response was something along the lines of “ Since I have already asked the question, and I am getting confirmation that I have no idea what Love is, I guess I am on the right course.” I decided to meditate on it (for the billionth time in the past two weeks).
As I have mentioned before, I often meditate aloud. I talk to the universe, God, the Greater Field of Life. It’s just what I do. This morning, I let anyone who happened to be listening know that I am ready to shed what no longer serves me or others, I am ready to radiate out to others and look for the radiance in them, all of them in the Global Family (that would be you).
In other words, I announced, “I really, really wanna know what Love is.”
A soon as the words exited my mouth, I felt His presence at the foot of my chaise. Today, I didn’t open my eyes not because I was afraid of Him, but because I sensed that something miraculous was about to happen, and I wanted to take it in sans mes yeux.
As it happened when He made his debut in June, I first felt an intense light making its way through my eyelids followed by its anchoring in my body. His radiance penetrated my skin from the inside out, creating an all-encompassing swaddling of my body in light and warmth. He cleared away any darkness that I held within. My radiance responded and exited my epidermis from every pore. I was saturated in this co-created radiant space and energy that was so magnificent and simple and freeing that it immediately brought me to tears.
J.C. and I had a brief conversation in that cool kind of mind-meld Dr. Spock way that we had used before. His message was “Feel this. This is Love.”
Yes, at the same time all of this was happening, I did have the sense that I was perched (in the teeniest tiniest way) on the brink of “Do I need to be committed somewhere?” But I have to tell you, it felt so stinkin’ good that I didn’t really care.
If this is what crazy in universal Love feels like…bring it on.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)